My grandmother and last surviving grandparent passed away this week. She wasn't Jewish, and there's a Romanian Orthodox Christian funeral for her this weekend. I've agreed to break Shabbat to honour my father's wishes, since he wants me to be one of the pallbearers. He said he doesn't care if it is tradition to have only men do it, he wants my sister and I to partake. It's not like I'm going to say no.
While I agreed to break Shabbat, I'm still going to try and keep it to a minimum. I'm frantically cooking simple dishes that can be eaten tepid or cold so we don't have to worry about making food after the viewing tonight.
My parents have done a lot to accommodate my having become a baal teshuva, so I think the least I can do is accommodate my orphaned father.
Well, I have to go finish cooking and then get ready. I think it's safe to say I'll be sitting out of the Purim festivities again this year.
Shabbat Shalom.
26 February, 2010
24 February, 2010
Purim
It was my intention to go out for Purim this year, but I just don't think I can muster up the energy. My back injury seems to be getting worse before it gets any better, thanks to falling down icy stairs again. My back is in constant pain, I have had a hard time focusing on my school work, and because of other contributing factors I am under a lot of stress.
Last Purim my friend was killed in a drunk driving accident, and so I just don't feel the party vibe this year.
I want so badly to be part of the community this Purim, but I can't be bothered to do the social thing right now.
Last Purim my friend was killed in a drunk driving accident, and so I just don't feel the party vibe this year.
I want so badly to be part of the community this Purim, but I can't be bothered to do the social thing right now.
17 February, 2010
Starving Artist
Some people have expressed sadness in me selling my possessions to support my lifestyle, but I find it rather cleansing. Just last week I sold a 17 inch LCD panel that had been only collecting dust for the past nine months since I moved home. I took an inventory of the stuff I have but don't use, and I realized I could make a pretty penny while taking the burden off my parents of what to do with my stuff when I move to Israel.
I have a vast array of expensive textbooks that could probably fund one last trip to a four-day open air summer music festival before I leave.
Besides, the less stuff I own, the easier the move will be. It will only push the permanence factor further than if I made it seem like I had something to come home to if things don't work out.
My parents are actually quite thrilled to have me leave and possibly never come back. They won't admit it, and will hide under the guise of being happy for me, but they are glad to finally be rid of the burden I am to their life. They're just as sick of living with me as I am with them. It's never been a good arrangement. That's why I left home when I was 18.
I haven't actually told my mother, because like every other dream I've had she finds some way to crush it. She only knows of my plans to go for a year and she's supportive of that, but only in small doses. My father knows, and he's stoked for my new life ahead. I think I will tell Mom my plans to make aliyah once I am already in Israel. For once she will learn she doesn't get a say in my life any more.
In other news, my friend who's been in yeshiva for a little over a month now has reported to me that the the girls from the kiruv centre where we all met have completely flipped out, and have become condescending and that he feels uncomfortable talking with them now. I felt bad for having not taken the time to warn him about what happens to the vast majority of girls when they go to seminary. I have been involved with this kiruv organization a lot longer than the rest of them have, and I never felt compelled to hop on the seminary bandwagon until I felt ready to go, and not just because someone told me to go.
The reality is, a lot of girls become religious because they want somewhere to fit in, and somehow they think if they stop touching boys they will be blessed with some magic googiney-goo-goo that will present them a husband, and make it easier to get married to another Jew. The worst are the ones who dabble in Orthodoxy, and as soon as the brainwashing sets in they make an entire religion out of tznius dress (not necessarily behaviour) and shomer negiah.
I hate watching girls go down this path. Because they end up turning into self-righteous assholes and pervert the mission of Judaism.
And these are the ones who will go way overboard too soon, and shortly after their return from Israel will go off the derech because nobody told them (or rather, they were too sheepish and weak to do the research on their own) about the caste system that exists in Orthodoxy, and that there isn't nearly as much room for individual expression as you might think, and if you really believe there is, you will never be able to escape the label "Modern" being attached to you. And we all know how evil the term "Modern" is in black hat circles.
I was warned of these things by my rebbetzen, and told that I need to decide before I am married what kind of education I want my kids to have and what community will I conform to in dress in order not to place my children at risk.
Having my eyes opened to the harsh realities of Haredism turned me off it slightly, and is making me reconsider where I will end up.
Granted, I fancy myself open-minded and will wholeheartedly take a Yeshivishe education and decide for myself later if the lifestyle is for me. I cannot possibly make an informed decision on my hashkafa until I've spent enough time developing one.
I have a vast array of expensive textbooks that could probably fund one last trip to a four-day open air summer music festival before I leave.
Besides, the less stuff I own, the easier the move will be. It will only push the permanence factor further than if I made it seem like I had something to come home to if things don't work out.
My parents are actually quite thrilled to have me leave and possibly never come back. They won't admit it, and will hide under the guise of being happy for me, but they are glad to finally be rid of the burden I am to their life. They're just as sick of living with me as I am with them. It's never been a good arrangement. That's why I left home when I was 18.
I haven't actually told my mother, because like every other dream I've had she finds some way to crush it. She only knows of my plans to go for a year and she's supportive of that, but only in small doses. My father knows, and he's stoked for my new life ahead. I think I will tell Mom my plans to make aliyah once I am already in Israel. For once she will learn she doesn't get a say in my life any more.
In other news, my friend who's been in yeshiva for a little over a month now has reported to me that the the girls from the kiruv centre where we all met have completely flipped out, and have become condescending and that he feels uncomfortable talking with them now. I felt bad for having not taken the time to warn him about what happens to the vast majority of girls when they go to seminary. I have been involved with this kiruv organization a lot longer than the rest of them have, and I never felt compelled to hop on the seminary bandwagon until I felt ready to go, and not just because someone told me to go.
The reality is, a lot of girls become religious because they want somewhere to fit in, and somehow they think if they stop touching boys they will be blessed with some magic googiney-goo-goo that will present them a husband, and make it easier to get married to another Jew. The worst are the ones who dabble in Orthodoxy, and as soon as the brainwashing sets in they make an entire religion out of tznius dress (not necessarily behaviour) and shomer negiah.
I hate watching girls go down this path. Because they end up turning into self-righteous assholes and pervert the mission of Judaism.
And these are the ones who will go way overboard too soon, and shortly after their return from Israel will go off the derech because nobody told them (or rather, they were too sheepish and weak to do the research on their own) about the caste system that exists in Orthodoxy, and that there isn't nearly as much room for individual expression as you might think, and if you really believe there is, you will never be able to escape the label "Modern" being attached to you. And we all know how evil the term "Modern" is in black hat circles.
I was warned of these things by my rebbetzen, and told that I need to decide before I am married what kind of education I want my kids to have and what community will I conform to in dress in order not to place my children at risk.
Having my eyes opened to the harsh realities of Haredism turned me off it slightly, and is making me reconsider where I will end up.
Granted, I fancy myself open-minded and will wholeheartedly take a Yeshivishe education and decide for myself later if the lifestyle is for me. I cannot possibly make an informed decision on my hashkafa until I've spent enough time developing one.
16 February, 2010
Random Art of Mine
My psychedelic sukkah wall, Sukkot 5769 (left portion painted by the Green Kitten):
A painting of mine featured at a rave in 2007. I have no idea who took the photo (I wasn't present at the rave), but it was sent to me by the person who ran the event:
I made these planets for a rave in 2004, and they ended up being recycled for many more club and house parties for a few years thereafter:
I would like to start painting again, but I think I'm going to retire, at least temporarily, my love of UV painting. I have a whole set of oil paints I'd like to explore.
A painting of mine featured at a rave in 2007. I have no idea who took the photo (I wasn't present at the rave), but it was sent to me by the person who ran the event:
I made these planets for a rave in 2004, and they ended up being recycled for many more club and house parties for a few years thereafter:
I would like to start painting again, but I think I'm going to retire, at least temporarily, my love of UV painting. I have a whole set of oil paints I'd like to explore.
15 February, 2010
Astronomy
Here are some photos from my observational astronomy labs this semester. I have been collecting data for a project that involves imaging a galaxy using a CCD, or charge-coupled device, on a 40cm telescope at school.
The first is the dark frame, which is a reference point of measuring excited electrons due to electronic noise, heat and cosmic radiation. Winter is prime time for observation, especially here in Canada, because the ambient temperature inside the observatory makes it easier to optimize the cooling system in place to keep the CCD at -40 degrees below ambient. This photo is a five minute exposure with the lens capped.
The second photo is from a different lab, in which we take a shorter exposure of just a few seconds (usually about five) of what is called a flat field. We turn on the flood light inside the dome, uncap the scope lens, aim the telescope at a relatively homogenous section inside the dome, and acquire the image. The doughnut-shaped figures in the image are particles of dust on the CCD.
These laboratory exercises allow us to measure and take into account the effects due to unwanted excitation of electrons in the CCD, and also to understand what problems may arise in the optics of our equipment. Tackling these two problems will allow us to produce the best quality galactic image possible to analyze in our study.
More photos to follow as further data is acquired for the project.
The first is the dark frame, which is a reference point of measuring excited electrons due to electronic noise, heat and cosmic radiation. Winter is prime time for observation, especially here in Canada, because the ambient temperature inside the observatory makes it easier to optimize the cooling system in place to keep the CCD at -40 degrees below ambient. This photo is a five minute exposure with the lens capped.
The second photo is from a different lab, in which we take a shorter exposure of just a few seconds (usually about five) of what is called a flat field. We turn on the flood light inside the dome, uncap the scope lens, aim the telescope at a relatively homogenous section inside the dome, and acquire the image. The doughnut-shaped figures in the image are particles of dust on the CCD.
These laboratory exercises allow us to measure and take into account the effects due to unwanted excitation of electrons in the CCD, and also to understand what problems may arise in the optics of our equipment. Tackling these two problems will allow us to produce the best quality galactic image possible to analyze in our study.
More photos to follow as further data is acquired for the project.
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