I am trying to accept, with utmost emuna that Hashem does and does not want certain things from me.
Even though I've been brainwashed into believing it's what I want, I probably won't be having five or more children in my life time. It will be miracle if I have even one and I really should learn to accept that, seeing what I've been through, and the challenges ahead.
Maybe in this lifetime I just won't be able to fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying.
There is always next time.
31 October, 2009
18 October, 2009
16 October, 2009
14 October, 2009
09 October, 2009
May You Live in Interesing Times Pt. 2
Uncle passed away this week, and there's no money to bury him. He was never close to me but it's sad to see my grandmother having to bury a child and then all this religious bullshit coming into play about how he should be buried.
My father's parents are/were Romanian Orthodox Christian and don't believe in cremation, just like Jews. My grandmother also wants all the Romanian Orthodox hokum to be present at the funeral and lately has been urging my parents to baptize my sister and I, even though neither one of my parents really believes in G-d or an afterlife but told us that through Mom we're Jewish and not to expect anything from them religiously.
For reasons I can't get into, I actually want to attend the funeral for the pure spectacle of it all, as bad as that sounds.
I'm sorry you're gone, but I really think you're in a much better place now.
Oh, and I dropped a heavy textbook on my foot yesterday and it's so freaking tender I think the bone is a little bruised on one of my toes. It left behind an ugly mark. Dad said I should take a day off jogging and not aggravate an injury so I'm going to heed his warning and not exercise. Which sucks for me 'cause Yom Tov this weekend will inevitable mean overeating as well. Hopefully my toe will be on the mend by next week.
I'm addicted to this whole exercising and eating whatever I want routine, and don't want to stop!
My father's parents are/were Romanian Orthodox Christian and don't believe in cremation, just like Jews. My grandmother also wants all the Romanian Orthodox hokum to be present at the funeral and lately has been urging my parents to baptize my sister and I, even though neither one of my parents really believes in G-d or an afterlife but told us that through Mom we're Jewish and not to expect anything from them religiously.
For reasons I can't get into, I actually want to attend the funeral for the pure spectacle of it all, as bad as that sounds.
I'm sorry you're gone, but I really think you're in a much better place now.
Oh, and I dropped a heavy textbook on my foot yesterday and it's so freaking tender I think the bone is a little bruised on one of my toes. It left behind an ugly mark. Dad said I should take a day off jogging and not aggravate an injury so I'm going to heed his warning and not exercise. Which sucks for me 'cause Yom Tov this weekend will inevitable mean overeating as well. Hopefully my toe will be on the mend by next week.
I'm addicted to this whole exercising and eating whatever I want routine, and don't want to stop!
05 October, 2009
The Unhappy Person Asks "Why?"
Why can't I seem to just get over you?
Why must the heart want what the heart wants?
Why do I let myself be fooled again and again and again?
Why do I let myself be used?
Why don't I just walk away from the pain?
Why won't it just end?
Why won't I grow?
Why must the heart want what the heart wants?
Why do I let myself be fooled again and again and again?
Why do I let myself be used?
Why don't I just walk away from the pain?
Why won't it just end?
Why won't I grow?
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