Hula Hoop

So a few weeks ago I dropped $80 on a retractable dance hoop. Once upon a time when I was fitter and slimmer I was a dancer, so I thought I'd take up an exercise form that would actually move my ass. Dance hoops are weighted so it's an aerobic as well as resistance workout.

The endorphins are making me a little less depressed. Today is my day off so I decided to spend a few hours practicing. Surprisingly after a few weeks of just hooping I managed to teach myself a few tricks.

Oh, and hula hooping has done wonders for my back pain.

B'emet?

What a mess.

How did I let myself get to this point?

Smoking, sex, drugs, miscarriage, shitty realizations with friends who aren't really friends, realization that loveless sex is pointless and return to abstinence but feel embittered nonetheless, repeated deaths in the family, more consumption of drugs to numb the insanity, back injury, festival season, quitting smoking, crying my eyes out every day, disgusting head cold in the middle of summer...

Honestly, never a dull moment.

I forgot to mention chronic loneliness but simultaneous utter hatred for the male species. A refusal to form any form of new intimacy either romantic or platonic. Meeting new people-- just not working out these days. Incredibly anti-social and lonely when among friends.

Perpetually disappointed in everyone around me, discovering more and more that you really cannot count on anyone and that it's every man for himself.

Broke as fuck but I don't owe anyone money. I've managed to make it to a quarter century debt-free. At the same time I've cashed in some of my mutual funds but I've been contributing since I was 18, so there was some spare change to dip into, so to speak.

It has been such a rough year already... And the rape trial hasn't even started yet.

Dear G-d, give me strength.